Six Signs You Have Booked the Wrong Hotel

The lobby smells faintly of bleach trying very hard to hide something.

Hotel photographers have grown remarkably skilled, while hotel descriptions have grown remarkably vague, which leaves the arriving guest to do the evaluating.

First, trust your nose before you trust your eyes; A lobby fogged with air freshener usually masks damp carpet, and damp carpet usually masks mold.

Second, read the reviews in chronological order rather than trusting the average score.

A healthy property earns steady praise, whereas a sudden decline over three months suggests new owners, cheap renovations, or both.

Third, watch the front desk during check-in, because staff unable to find your reservation, key cards failing twice, and a queue forming without apology all reveal an operation drowning.

Fourth, postpone your verdict on the room until nightfall has arrived.

The elevator shaft, the ice machine, and the corridor outside your door are silent at two in the afternoon and operatic at two in the morning.

Fifth, resist the urge to unpack and run the shower first.

Weak pressure, water needing four minutes to warm, and a drain functioning only as a suggestion indicate plumbing that management has neglected just as thoroughly.

Sixth, verify the amenities you actually paid for.

A spa that turns out to be a kettle means the photographs were not lies exactly, but neither were they the whole truth.

None of these signs means the stay is beyond saving, only that your expectations should be revised before the first night is lost.

Should you notice all six, you now know precisely what to ask the front desk for: another room.